Fear…. and relief

Monday morning I will have my meeting at the hospital. With the surgeon, the oncologist and breast cancer nurse. All the results will be in and plans made. My future. My life.

I will have my husband with me. This is a meeting I don’t want to do alone, nor should I, anxiety does something to your ability to hear and understand.

It is now 29 days since my lumpectomy and I have been coping really well, but today fear kicked in.

Fear. Fear for the future. The unkown. Fear for how this will impact my children, my husband. Fear for hairloss, weightgain, looking like dead. Fear for the pain and being sick all the time. Fear that I will not be able to travel, to wine and dine, to enjoy life. Fear that I will be left alone. To die alone.

I was silently sobbing on this rainy, grey day, numbed with fear, when I was saved by a friend request on fb. Thank you. It woke me up!!! 

This is not me: full of fear and selfpity! No, no, I am a fighter, an ageless snobby goddess marching on in my high heels. F..k fear!


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